When I continued and chose to not take care of myself.
In 2016, I knew that my career, my job was not for me.
“But hey”, I thought, “who cares”. “Not a big deal” - I said to myself.
I left my job, my old career, in January 2021. I was 36 years old. I was exhausted. I was drained. And tired. Really, really tired. All I knew was that quitting was what I needed.
I felt caught in a work structure that made me scream and explode from the inside. I felt horrible for giving everything for a job that I wanted to run away from but because of “feeling responsible and loyal” , I still continued. Continued although seeing zero sense in that job.
I felt frustrated about ignoring and throwing away my boundaries, my needs.
I knew that I did not stand up for myself.
I did not take care of myself.
Instead, I chose to be responsible and loyal for others, for a company.
I chose to not take care of my body, not take care of my mental situation.
So I accepted serious lack of sleep during months and months.
I accepted that my eye was twitching every day.
I accepted feeling anxiety attacks when waking up and then “simply” just got used to them during the day.
Having stomach aches became normal, too.
I accepted the lack of appetite.
I accepted crying for no reason.
I accepted losing confidence.
I accepted to function.
I accepted to deliver.
Until waking up. And deciding that I cannot continue to be a victim, I am not a victim.
Deciding that I seriously need to change and take responsibiliy over me and my life.
This was real. It was not a joke.
I knew I could not do it alone. So I hired a coach. It was my third coach that I was working with.
It took me 8 months to quit.