When I continued and chose to not take care of myself.

In 2016, I knew that my career, my job was not for me.

“But hey”, I thought, “who cares”. “Not a big deal” - I said to myself.

I left my job, my old career, in January 2021. I was 36 years old. I was exhausted. I was drained. And tired. Really, really tired. All I knew was that quitting was what I needed.

I felt caught in a work structure that made me scream and explode from the inside. I felt horrible for giving everything for a job that I wanted to run away from but because of “feeling responsible and loyal” , I still continued. Continued although seeing zero sense in that job.

I felt frustrated about ignoring and throwing away my boundaries, my needs.

I knew that I did not stand up for myself.

I did not take care of myself.

Instead, I chose to be responsible and loyal for others, for a company.

I chose to not take care of my body, not take care of my mental situation.

So I accepted serious lack of sleep during months and months.

I accepted that my eye was twitching every day.

I accepted feeling anxiety attacks when waking up and then “simply” just got used to them during the day.

Having stomach aches became normal, too.

I accepted the lack of appetite.

I accepted crying for no reason.

I accepted losing confidence.

I accepted to function.

I accepted to deliver.

Until waking up. And deciding that I cannot continue to be a victim, I am not a victim.

Deciding that I seriously need to change and take responsibiliy over me and my life.

This was real. It was not a joke.

I knew I could not do it alone. So I hired a coach. It was my third coach that I was working with.

It took me 8 months to quit.